took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
