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Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
