you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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