your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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