I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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