I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize