And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
