And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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