Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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