dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
