You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
