they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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