So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
