So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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