does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
