I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
