There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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