I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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