i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
