Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
