Can i not drive my cunt home
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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