I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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