Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
