One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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