'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dignity is for republicans.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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