in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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