Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
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