so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
