My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
