My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
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Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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