Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
