I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
