i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
