If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
