Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
