We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
