I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
