I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
