i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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