even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
