Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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