he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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