life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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