When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
