dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
