I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
