We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
