pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
