Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
