I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
did you just send me my own nude
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
