i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
