Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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