I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
