was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
