I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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