Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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