she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
