My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
