If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
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I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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