can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
