he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
