It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
