hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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