I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
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Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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