You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
