So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
