After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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